A recent blog on Disaboom had the title “I am not embarrassed!”
The focus of the blog concerned disabilities and the individual stated, “I am not embarrassed by my disability, it is just life. My life. And, I would much rather have it than not have it.” It went on to quote a recent survey that showed that more than 50% of Americans would rather die than live with a disability that prevents them from leading an ‘independent life.’ The blog went on to state the need to educate the public and said, “My goal is this: to increase the visibility of disability. I want to change those results. I want to be an example to all that, even with a disability like Multiple Sclerosis, I am fully engaged, out there, alive and living a full life among the ‘more able bodied.’ I want to show the world that life is worth living with an able heart and mind, even if the body has its challenges.”
I am not surprised by the results of the survey. Those of us who place ourselves in the non-disabled category find it hard to imagine being disabled or functioning with a serious disability. Even with a sister who was born deaf and a mother who had a serious stroke eight years ago, I have found myself feeling like the 50% of the Americans mentioned above…..until recently.
My mother experienced a tragic hemispheric stroke eight years ago that led to her being permanently paralyzed on her entire right side, unable to speak except to show emotions, and having to learn to swallow again. She cannot handle any basic activities of daily living by herself, except that she can feed herself. She needs help to get into and out of the wheelchair and does not have control of her bodily functions. Although deeply loved by her children, some of them (including myself) would often say we would rather be dead than be in her situation.
However, over the past eight years that my mom has lived in a senior assisted living center, she has always been happy when I visited, and has smiled and reached out with her good arm to touch “hello.” Although we are not sure of her mental capacity following the stroke, she has very good memory recall, enjoys hearing about events, family, church, and is a good sport when she is the butt of jokes and teasing by her children.
My mom has been in three senior assisted living centers over the past eight years. It is remarkable to me that at each place, the residents and the employees would always comment about how sweet my mother was, how she was a pleasure to care for, and how much they enjoyed having her at the center. Being a little callused, I thought they said that about everyone, but I have come to realize that is not the case. During a recent visit at her current center, it finally dawned on me that she was enjoying life, as simple as it was. She was having a positive impact on everyone that she interacted with: dining roommates, friends, fellow residents, and center employees. She is always smiling and reaching out to others to say in her way, “Hello, you are special”. She is making a difference in people’s lives!
We have all heard the saying that we should not condemn someone until we have walked a mile in their shoes. So much of life we cannot imagine until we have experienced it ourselves, and I suspect we might change our opinions should we experience it. To say for so long that I would rather be dead than be in my Mom’s situation is extremely naive. I now say ‘I would rather have it than not have it.’ I will definitely answer the survey differently the next time around.
Tags: Assisted Living Facilities, Caring for your Mother, Disability, Edlerly Care
